Why Do We Never Talk About Sex

Love matters to me more than Sex — an exchange of sentiments towards love, understanding, and care

It was a serene day, full of laughter and joy as we hung around together. Perhaps, it was the first time we hung out for such a long time. I was indeed joyous as was she smiling with admiration. We decided that why not we sit next to each other, and enjoy the night with a campfire near the shore. It was always on a todo list of things, thus I thought it best to get some firewood and thus we sat as we had the sunset sink into ourselves until the night sky appeared.

I was watching the waves hit the seashore, as she asked me a question

“Why do you never talk about sex?”

I was caught off guard and surprised by what she meant. So I asked for a clarification to which, she assured, “with me, I mean — us” with a shy look on her face. She elaborated that she has never remotely even heard me or even insisting on talking about sex.

She continued to tell me that her friends who are boys always would engage in communicating with her on sex, and sexual topics in general on how they wanted and vice-versa. But I never seem to ask her. Or even talk anything like that with her.

She said, that most guys who are her friends have always been keen on talking about how excited they are about sex with me. But So far I have known you, you never seem to care.

Why is that you have never talked with me about that? — she asked.

I looked at her with a smile, on my face

I don’t have to, I don’t need to. As I respect you to not let my relationship with you be defined by an act of lust, just because I love and care for you.

This confused her, perhaps. I am of course intimate with the women in my life but not in a sense that will harass and tarnish their self-esteem. Since an early age, I was always taught to respect women. I learned to love women, but not in a manner that would just ruin the beautiful companionship, I had fostered with her. Sure, I can talk about sex. But the way I talk about it is more philosophical. And that sometimes gets in the way.

I’m sure I believe most men around me have always talked about sex, as soon as their eyes fall on a woman — And this is a fact about their discrete perversion. But my eyes fall to the ground in respect, when I see a woman. Thus when I saw her, while answering this. She was bewildered, that no man has ever said this to her. I loved her a lot, and perhaps the women in my life know this that I will give my life for them.

My answer perhaps is the most honest, I would give. When I garnered and nurtured a beautiful companionship with her. Sex to me didn’t matter, even talking about it never really matters and this is a fact. I believe Sex is a fundamental part of lovemaking. But that was never my intention, when I met her she was in a very vulnerable place. I could feel her pain every day, as she started to vent, as I stayed with her every day and every night so that she can get better.

Day in and day out, I cared for her every day. I am a mentor, I used my skills and expertise to target the things that made her overcome those struggles. I would talk to her every day and even put her to sleep every night because she was dear to me. I loved her, as I gave her my love because she needed to heal.
She saw value in me, and she valued me and perhaps she meant more to me, because of that sentiment than anything else.

I would work on her skills, help her with her getting graduated with a motivated spirit, and push her towards becoming someone in the world.
That was something that I wanted for her so that she is independent and happy — so that she knows that she is strong and self-sufficient.

When I met her, her smile was something that attracted me the most. It was perhaps one of the brightest, yet. But then again anybody who can smile with their heart is someone who can shine the brightest. I didn’t want to become the nail that she steps on, instead, I wanted to become the hammer she could use to whemmle those nails back into their place. That hammer was perhaps the love I gave to her, and that stays with her forever.

“A friend is a person who knows the melody of your heart and plays it to you when you forget it.”
- Albert Einstein

My relationship with her perhaps might be platonic, but I don’t usually label them as its just a waste of time. Instead, I focus on the person — building them, nurturing them, loving them, and caring for them. I don’t usually daddle on what could be or what can be. I focus on the person standing next to me and in front of me.

I perhaps kept on talking, and she kept on listening barely keeping track of time. She probably slept halfway through, as my voice tends to be peaceful and most women I have talked to over the years have always told me that. Some fall asleep, just like that if they listen. It is perhaps the most peaceful thing they have listened to, and thus she fell asleep as well until the sun came up. I stayed up, as I don’t usually fall asleep — insomnia.

She kept on waking up and insisted she wanted to keep me company but I asked her to rest and not tire herself out. I will be all right. Thus I stayed, as I always stayed every night whenever we would even talk on the phone there for each other.

Love is something that helps us to bring out the best in others, and sometimes that seems enough for some who receive it.

I haven’t met or talked to her for a while now, though I check up on her from time to time but she never seems to answer, perhaps my answer didn’t suffice. I understand why at times, women do feel emotions that permeate towards sex, Its perfectly all right. Perhaps, she felt that I wasn’t being honest. Or I didn’t give her what she wanted, though I did talk about sex, but not the kind you guys might think. That question was made to start a connection, that I necessarily didn’t feel comfortable about with her or any woman that I love for that matter.

For her, I gave my love that wasn’t bound by any desire.

And yes, men like me exist. I wasn’t trying to invalidate her emotions, I have discussed this, with my other female friends, as well. Some of them did point that perhaps she might have wanted to be with you in that regard but they told me to not feel anxious about it. It’s water under the bridge, your answer was justified to how you are. You don’t need an excuse for that.

“The most valuable gift you can receive is an honest friend.”
― Stephen Richards

You gave the right answer, perhaps even something that you would give for each one of us — they mentioned, so we understand and I’m sure she will take time to understand it as well and come back and apologize perhaps.

Love perhaps becomes the most arduous thing a man like me can experience when it becomes invalidated. But that’s why i love my self even more to never feel invalidated if my love is rejected.

But I’m hopeful at least what I helped her accomplish and how she is working to become successful is in motion. So I’m not worried, This year perhaps was full of surprises, and losses that have affected my health. But It’s an opportunity for myself to put love into my self so I can take care of those that I love and treasure with my heart and soul.

I believe you should too.

Thank you for taking the time to read this anecdote. We should always be honest with the ones we love, as they are the ones that value and treasure us.

Stay Blessed and Stay Safe!

With Love ❤️

Riku Arikiri

I write about life, and the hope it bears in a poetic context. 💖🕊️

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