Though how hard it has become, it is easier for me to confess now — I am demotivated. It has been a while since I have felt this way. But wait right there before you make up your mind about me. I want to clarify what I have been feeling, why it matters to accept this phase in our life.
Have you ever wondered, how to escape certain demotivated phases like writer’s block, programmer’s block, or vice-versa?
I’m sure you must have, many times — I concur.
I have been demotivated, to wake up, to walk, even eat or sleep for a few weeks. I believe this is the active phase of its progression where the worse symptoms such as mental fatigue are at its prime high.
Even sleeping, on medication seems like a chore. It’s hard, but do you know what’s harder? — waking up to repeat the same process all over again.
I have been thinking lately about my life, and the inner lingering of my past and present self. Where is this path leading towards? is one of the questions I readily prepare myself for every day as I lay tired or lack thereof tried.
Truly it has even been hard for me to write, because of that as well. I look back to why I started writing and I see myself aspiring to complete daily goals. Sharing the progress with my peers, and laughing about how life was bliss even though it had its hardships in between.
My life seems like a prison, these days perhaps some might say they can’t break free when mayhem is standing two feet apart as you cross the door.
Though I have found ways around this prison, and have broken free quite a few times. But when you are alone, perhaps in the company of dear old solitude — everything you broke free from comes back knocking to collect the taxes you avoided when running away from these problems.
Isn’t this a pickle? You might wonder, how we usually pull through to realize when we return — the inevitability of cause and effect.
What then? What should we do when we return to the root of our problems?
Well, I have an easy answer that will become hard as time moves forward.
You accept your hardships, and breathe — it will get better, it must and it should. Why? for our sakes, we need to persevere to make that happen.
How long? I do not know.
When I was a teenager, I remember I used to pray every day until the day came that I was given a choice to become free. I became free, but with a price. Even though the price was paid in full, there is always that anomaly of it returning to haunt you. The fear, of the inevitable, is what controls us during our demotivated phase.
Then half a decade later, I was thwarted into another event that changed my existence for the better — death.
The Night I Witnessed A Miracle
A Summer ecstatic morning of 2016, I woke up and got ready for my university. It was the last day of school, and I was…
Though, it was a good trip to the nether — I believe I have seen a different world through my eyes during that experience and what lies beyond when we depart.
Coming back, was like I was purified and I felt a sheer calmness in my being as If I was given a second chance with perks being I was cleansed of my fears of the past self.
I was free and given another chance at life.
The next few years that were bound to come were enlightening one after the other. With my newly found perspective and self — I was able to see the pathways in sheer darkness. I could find a solution to my problems.
I was able to make the impossible, possible just like the unknown impossible factor that brought me back to this life.
I kept on searching, and I still am searching even while accepting this phase — this test that I am persevering but it hasn’t been easy though it still is.
What’s hard is to describe something through words, when the experience needs more clarifications — maybe that’s just me.
Do you know what’s the weirdest thing about it all?
When I smile, I could see the sadness in the joy I’m trying to find within my smile.
Ironic isn’t it — to know that we try to make the best of bad situations even though we sometimes can’t. We try to twist our fates, as much as possible to try to see a better tomorrow. At least in my case to improvise joy when the heart is all but broken and torn oozing sadness, grief, and despair.
Perhaps my soul is holding both my mind and heart together. That is our true self, always trying to push us towards hope. The hope that lies as a faint glimmer in the darkest of places. In the pits of despair, that lay within our faint hearts — it shines hope.
I smile to escape the demotivated spirit — my self has become. Even if it is for a second, I smile to reminisce about the time I had when I was overjoyed.
Though how depressing my life might have become, I can say I smile without a worry in my mind. It is the joy that keeps me alive, to know that I do survive.
I am tough and can surprise even others who might have tried. Taking risks, without my pride — I push myself to attain newer heights. Joy is perhaps the ability to smile even when life pushes you down. It is the perspective that even if your life is hard, and it is gunning to run you over — you will make it.
Somehow what people might find depressing music, is something that gives me the joy to listen and reflect upon.
There isn’t a single night, where I was awake and the music wasn’t playing in the background. Though not the kind of music you might think. I listen to all types, and of all languages. Though I leave the heavy-duty to Youtube’s algorithm to recommend me classical music from the deepest parts of the world.
Whenever I write I usually listen to music, even when I prepared for my exams — music silently plays in the background. It helps me focus and clears out all the distractions. One aspect that has helped me a lot during my demotivated days is music.
I might be listening to Astor Piazolla’s Oblivion. Though there are many renditions of the classical version. I do fairly enjoy Hauser’s version very much. These days, my room is filled with Piazollas symphonies. The orchestra adds a simplistic yet euphoric touch to the depression and sadness in my aura.
It makes it a moment where I can enjoy the misery even if at once it was making the solitude sad — music can lighten it up like New Year’s Eve.
I don’t feel sad anymore, music takes away all the suffering and adds a silent calmness that just helps me to write or moreover focus on what I wanted to do.
Music adds the essence of joy that depression lacks. With music, I can find perspective in my suffering. This newly found perspective is something that breaks me free from my demotivated phase.
It is perhaps an ability or an inter collection of perspectives that add layers upon layers that build a tempo — when the cello finally plays, I am released from my prison to roam free.
Why not dance, while you’re at it? I’ll dance with you the next time you do decide!
The company of another, or being there for someone helps me escape my prison.
Though it might sound a bit cliche. I do get the irony, but believe me when I say I want it that way.
Well, now that’s out of the way. When I am in the company of another whether it be a stranger who just became a friend or a peer I perhaps am mentoring. I feel energized and motivated to live and improve.
The prime motivation that drives me is communication, though on broader terms to build upon together with another is one of the many things that I aspire in my life.
Communicating whether it be through a letter, or an app — In-person or even while buying something in a grocery store. I can connect with almost anyone and perhaps make each other’s day.
Sometimes it is one of the things that delay my shopping as I tend to connect so swiftly with another person that time flows like water and I forget that mum told me to get yoghurt from the store along with other things.
Then I would have to take another spin to the store, to get what I missed and then the whole scenario goes again. Fun times.
My advice, try initiating a conversation with someone and then listen to what they say and communicate with words that move their soul.
It will drive purpose, motivate you to experience joy even in the most trying of times. Smile and say, “Hi!”
In the end, listen to music, smile and take your time by communicating with another to experience zest and joy that will inevitably push you towards escaping the demotivation phase with an ease of mind.