Despair, & Anguish; Revisit Part II
The unrequited Solace
Family, the secondary phenomenon we tend to aspire hope from. A form of hope that not only builds our foundation for love, sanctity, and integrity but also the ability to connect and understand others. Good family life is what everybody desires in their lifetime.
A loving mother, a supportive father, zealous siblings, and nurturing elders is what everybody desires in what a family should be like!
We always believe if one day, we lose our sense of self there will be those who will always support us, and be there for us i.e. what a family stands for in theory. Our belief that revolves around individuals that will sustain us when we are down on the ground and would pick us up. They would help us rejuvenate our “self” and the bruises, we sustain through our choices and the after-effects of our choices.
Yet when the time comes, they too fall short on the promises they made… the sheer disappointment that comes from them from having the faith of sticking with us till the end indeed invokes misery and darkness in our hearts that can consume us completely and that shatters us from within… the path we are pushed upon, it seems like an endless passage to purgatory… an emptiness that you feel, sometimes it seems peaceful. Peace does seem like emptiness, at times… it is hard to relate to. Such peace of an absolute emptiness that we are left with feels sickening at times, as we reject that self-image of us being consumed by the despair that surrounds us in that emptiness… yet we confine ourselves in the feeling of not being able to feel life’s joy and happiness; even in moments where it seems absolutely possible.
Experiencing such a predicament can shatter one’s belief, one’s soul, one’s image in themselves and the family they loved, the family that gave them hope… the family that was the hope that always carried them away from the evil that resides in the empty… the darkness in our hearts, & in the world that soon is revealed towards them. These experiences kill our momentum towards leading a happy life.
Most people who would roam around you can advise you, about how to live your life & change your ways, yet they are never able to fully put themselves in the shoes of the people they’re advising… it is hard to relate to someone who has seen sheer despair, and survived to tell the tale! a tale that seems like a story, unbelievable and unrelatable!
The nights that are spent overcoming traumas that trigger screams of agony and despair… you scream, wail, cry and scream; you scream because you can’t control the anger, the failure, the disgust for yourself and everyone who wronged you and who you wronged… everything that ever made you feel sad but your strength controlled those emotions… you lose your grip on your emotions, and then all the bad feelings of disgrace come back to trigger everything that you keep up locked away… because the thing that was holding it all in has broken apart… the hope that kept yourself together… the hope that kept you going in life through everything becomes so weak, that it can be shattered by the 1% error that arises in your life. I could say I had predicted this outcome, but I wanted to lose myself in the feeling… for the brief night I screamed, I cried and I couldn’t stop… I didn’t want to stop…for so long in over a decade I wanted to relinquish myself of the agony that haunts the inner linings of my heart and soul. The relief my soul had yearned for so long, I cried it all away… we all have faults of our choices, knowingly and unknowingly; I accepted that fact long ago but we need to understand that peace and chaos need to be channeled effectively if we need to live a flourishing life. This fact had escaped my mind, I didn’t want to make others worry all my life but at that moment I had to let go. Society demands so much from you when you have a strong character. But they forget the scars and deep wounds that still twitch from time to time… Knowing despair and anguish has left me with an experience; an opportunity that led me to overcome it in time.
If one has seen true despair, and overcome it through his own will & without support; then someone has the tenacity to come up with words that can truly move the heart, mind & soul of other human beings. Yet overcoming such events in life is a journey full of sacrifices that test your mettle & grit that are developed through those endeavors.
The only way, in overcoming any obstacle in life is through all the blood, and sweat… there aren’t any shortcuts when it comes to surviving true despair… the shortcuts make it a harder journey but a safer one at times, yet it will lead you astray in maze of your own making, if you aren’t careful! Thus, the only way is through!
Therefore, if you make it through and live to tell the tale about it, I indeed respect your resolve, you hold a special place in my heart among all the unsung, and unknown heroes who did something remarkable in their lives that only the wise can respect and realize!
