Always On My Mind, The Existential Visions Of How It Will End
I asked my mentee, the other day — a question that perhaps has been on my mind.
Do you ever think about death and dying?
Yes, I do, We do.
But the question I asked was mainly about visualizing one’s death, in a hundred different scenarios. Do you actively think about death, and dying every second of the day?
When I am usually driving, I sometimes do think of dying.
Whether it be dying by accident, or if the car door opens, or if the iron beams in the following lorry just rush through the frontal window, or the bridge we usually cross when traveling to our campus collapses — it’s in bad shape.
Perhaps many reasons, for why we might think about what we think. He continued to tell me, he does it too usually. We were traveling to meet an acquaintance the other day, to talk about the prospects of our business venture. In the car, we shared a quick laugh about the subject of dying — though how grim the discussion became, we were still cheery perhaps at the moment.
I asked why does he think about death? — he replied with a sigh, well I feel that it’s inevitable.
I reconnected on the time, I died in an accident. I continued with my answer to this question I asked that I never thought of dying when I met an accident that took my life. Instead, I was fine — to conclude it was a fantastic day spent.
It was mostly calm, like any other day with its to and fro. I never thought that I was going to die, or even experiencing a traumatic incident.
It was never on my mind — the psychology of occurrences.
One of the ridiculous ways, I described my instances of thinking about death is what if I just open the door and walk out & a car runs over me — would I die?
Or If I jump from the bridge we usually cross over every day — would it be enough to kill me?
I don’t believe these are suicidal thoughts — I am in no way going to jeopardize my life in danger. It is a more reflective process of myself envisioning my own demise, though it will never happen the way I want it to unless a rare occurrence of course.
Death is truly one of the subjects that involve a detailed discourse. Much of it is shrouded in darkness, and the knowledge about it is mystified as well.
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”
― Hunter S. Thompson
It’s like another side of the story, we are walking through but we can only know if we cross over to the other side. Yet some might have crossed over or caught a glimpse of the truth that lies ahead. Those people might try their whole lives to decipher the meaning by exploring life to its fullest, yet they would none who would fully understand the value of such an experience — not yet at least.
Do you think about death often?
The mysteries of death are perhaps one that we all think about. Some rather most, who might even walk across a thin thread that pushes them over the edge just to see what it seems like.
He joked, perhaps I have watched a lot of Final Destination. But I’m usually focused on thinking about an ending — in other words, how it will end for me.
It has been this way, as long as I can remember. There’s a certain calm, that tends to unfold when I’m quietly stuck to the car’s windowpane. Seeing the different objects that can usher one’s demise.
We are always in a constant state of flux. Our lives have become this cycle that tends to keep on running until we run out. So it seems obvious for one such as me, to think about the inevitability of life, and where it usually leads towards.
Unless I’m immortal and will live a millennium — which is highly unlikely. This thinking doesn’t really cause any imbalance in my life. It is just food for thought perhaps. What if?
This year seems like, another adventure that is coming to its end. The ending ushers another year, perhaps filled all of life’s colors. It will bring hope, love, and sorrow — tests that will measure the extent of my perseverance.
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
― Mark Twain
Being conscious about how you live, and when you will die gives you the perspective of valuing life. Knowing the inevitability of one’s existence — it has helped me to value the people in my life and help me pay my respects to each moment spent in the service of the people I love and call my friends.
There is nothing better in life than having friends, and people you can love — In my case, I have so many yet to meet and thus to share my love with.
Perhaps my perspective on death — an ending that will come, alas who knows when will bring another chance at meeting my end once again. I am not worried, at most I can say that life was worth it despite everything else.
I am happy to see myself to who I became today — perhaps I might become something else together, tomorrow.
It sounds kind of maniacal to look towards yourself in such a manner but the perfect answer for such a question is,
When you have seen the world, and all its tragedy that’s hidden beneath the thick veil that only a few know, and many are blind to it — it becomes a habit of seeing the abnormal as normal.
But then again, that’s the perspective of two people who have seen despair quite a few times to count.
What do you think?…
Peace. Thank you so much for reading.
