5 things, i have learned dealing with bullies!
Bullying is predominant in every culture, nation & civilization. The active display of power, and influence over another has always existed, among mankind. Although, there is no specific reason to why most people bully others, but the main points that could start such a behavior can envy, jealousy, bitterness, discontentment and vice-versa.
Kind and innocent people have always been disregarded as weak, and insignificant, have always been ridiculed for their simplistic nature, thus creating opportunities for people to exploit them, in such a cynical way that only boasts the bully’s ego & influence among a group or place.
I believe bullying, is hereditary… people who grow up in households where abusive parenting reigns can be one such cause… although in my scenario, there have been many cases to why people can bully you…
Here are a few lessons, i learned while growing up that definitely built my resolve towards dealing with bullies!
1. Stand your Ground
Bullies like to manipulate fear, they enjoy the essence of using fear to propagate a victim’s mind, and they might use fear to incapacitate anyone… Being in control of every situation helps them to maintain a sense of order and command, but when a person comes who definitely doesn’t see eye to eye with them, or their opinions… it definitely hurts their ego… thus they use certain measures to even turn your own “friends” against you. There is a famous quote,
“keep your enemies close but keep your friends even closer”.
Its true that this does persist, trust is a fickle thing when it is put towards people who lack the capacity to understand it. I believe i have always held my ground, even if people confronted me with numbers or even sticks. Because some people believe they can scare you into submission, fear is just as powerful. But standing your ground can definitely make you appear more intimidating, than the people who are using fear to silence you.
Since the dawn of time, people have always feared rebellion… and someone who stands their ground, and keeps calm in even the most pressurized of situations has the ability to even alter such a cruel fate. People who usually underestimate such ways of confrontations; in short they fear confrontations. They might show you that they’re cool about it, but deep down, they are afraid and trust me confrontation is always necessary where you have to protect yourself from harm… or you should know when to run, & when to stand your ground! because, if you can probably stand your ground, confusing the bullies, and seeing an opening is always the best to escape such predicaments. It always works, out in the end though!
Therefore, even if they use force against you… don’t even give them the chance to enjoy… what they do to you, use the same fear they use to control you and cloak yourself with it… they wouldn’t even come close towards you, as the fear properly channeled can inevitably render them, scared shitless!
2. Learn self defense, because it is necessary!
Coming from a very bullied childhood, i have “lost” many fights… but i actually won all of them, because there hasn’t been any bruise on my body, that was caused by those fights… i have always learnt to anticipate the moves, of the people i fight, and thus it has always helped me, to counter their blows. I wasn’t an offensive kid, i played defense every time i was in a fight, although there have been times where i used force but the results were terrifying because i didn’t want to hurt anyone… thus, instead of pulling punches, i put my fists up to defend against their attacks… whether they were verbal, or physical, i have always tried my level best to evade any attack that could hurt me physically… being a clumsy kid, i used that against my opponents, and thus was able to always stand my ground while defending myself against anyone who would fight me.
Because even in fights, even if it was a friend, i still cared for what the boy’s mother would feel, if i hurt them badly… that was my resolve not to hurt them excessively and not get hurt in the process either. Because a mother’s heart is fragile when it comes to their kin… so i had to be careful not to hit someone so hard they would start bleeding, because there have been instances where i stopped hitting someone when i realized their mothers were standing next to them, worried if their children might get hurt… I have faced people alone in most of my fights, and have never relied on my friends to fight my battles… because i wanted to test my resolve, and so i did… and i learnt martial arts, to just do that. It worked for me, at least the training but overall i was able to cement myself completely in a fight, even if the outcome people felt they were winners, i don’t understand most people from back then.
Who was actually the weak one! me or the people i was defending against while defending them at the same time too!
3. You can’t befriend your bullies!
There have been times, and trust me i have tried for more than a decade to friend this one bully, who literally always tried to put me through hell. He just didn’t like me, or i actually don’t understand the reason why he did, what he did! There are so many, but the best case scenario is leave people to their own devices, and let them figure their lives out… if people don’t wanna befriend you, find other means of comfort and companionship. Get a pet, or even go make friends from another neighborhood… or you could even have online friendships, get yourself out of the toxic environment, and completely remove your trace from the presence of these kinds of people.
You can only do with what you have, and if you fail to do just that, its alright! Somethings are meant to be that way!
4. Learn to land a blow, and hit where it counts!
Some people in life will bully you, with their brute strength and their numbers, some through fear, and also through influence… but if you confront them, and if you’re alone… remember to see an opening and land a decisive blow, to the groin if need be, because you need to muster the courage to land a swift below even if it kills them, take the risk… which it won’t if you miss but yeah aim towards the groin, because see most people will eventually hurt you to the degree that it gets unbearable… i’m not talking about revenge here but i’m talking about making a statement, that you can also hit back! to a spot no less that can definitely put them down for good, because see then people might actually take you seriously, because these people will move on from you to other people… because bullies find new targets, so you gotta give them something to remember the pain by… not to abuse someone the same way as they did you!
This might seem harsh but it definitely works, and trust me… everybody will definitely not pick a fight with you! unless they want their family jewels blown to kingdom come!
Thus, use absolute force where necessary, but be kind, and defeat them with a kind blow to the balls! :)
5. It’s okay to lose faith, and perfectly alright to give up!
There are times, you can’t win a fight but it doesn’t mean that you will lose… keep taking the hits, and stand up again, until you lose consciousness which you most definitely will at some point. But don’t feel too bad, even if you lose a fight, because every trauma you will ever experience in life will build you into a better person, Failure is necessary in achieving that goal, thus if you believe that giving up is an option, take it. Even surrender to the bully, if need be… sometimes, it is better to make the wise decision than to make a rash one, that can hurt you severely. Therefore, it’s better that you take a moment of silence, and move forwards… you can try to wallow in despair, sometimes confining in the empty does, give you a lot of time to think about life, and your mistakes, your weaknesses and strengths but there is a time that you need to go back out there, and experience everything again…
It’s a wise choice, because it gives you the chance to reuse what you lose, to your advantage and it sets you apart from the people around you… because giving up might give you the chance to live another day, to contemplate and maybe even reflect on what you could do differently that would help you in realizing the mechanisms that you need to accomplish your goals.
Giving up or giving in are options, take them as such! but if you learn from them, you can make your own indefinitely and work around things in your favor, because there is always a way to turn around a situation given enough resolve, effort, and perseverance!
P.S Take a breather, and relax… everything gets better in time. You will have your time, it’s the waiting part, and making small efforts during that journey that matter. So have at it!