5 Struggles I Have Conquered With ADHD

Struggles that I have persevered through over my lifetime that have built a resolve towards dealing with life’s uncertainties.

Photo by Jonny Caspari on Unsplash

My life has been exciting until now, perhaps the more fun years where I learned the cruel ushering of life is perhaps as a student. Life can be tough when you have ADHD but never properly diagnosed until later afterward when the worst has come to pass, but by then usually you can wave through anything life might throw at it you.

I believe struggle builds character, personality, resolve, ambition, satisfaction and so much more. It shows how you can break your limits, and if you can carefully persist through all the struggles that it has lined up for you — trust me the man or woman you will become would be legendary even it’s your very own fable.

I believe in myself, and I accept my flaws and strengths but over the years while I was a student I bore a lot of hardship, some were pretty painful and the aftereffects of such ordeals that came were definitely challenging — I’d say. It taught me a great many things, thus I wanted to share my struggles that I believe every student can experience in their life during their journey.

1. Failure

This is probably the most promising one. Failure is perhaps shown a lot of disdain in our society — we blame people who fail but we praise the same “great” people who were failures in their lives as well, how hypocritical.

I believe our society has become more afraid because of the stigma that failures bear. I believe the whole issue around failure is the loss of time that’s connected with it. But what is time, actually. Just another measure how we keep track of the days and nights. We have set ourselves to our routines to adjust value where its due.

At the end of the day, it is perhaps people who fail thousands of times and persist are the ones who succeed. History speaks for itself, just because a person fails doesn’t necessarily mean that’s their fate. I remembered someone, back when I was in school. He once failed, and his father came to celebrate his failure, with a box of sweets. He wasn’t worried at all. Perhaps, he knew the fundamental principle of failures — what it teaches and builds in someone who can accept and then overcome it.

Failure is the stigma, ever since the student is little it is engraved in their existence that to never fail, to never try anything new. Because we limit their mental capacity to never acknowledge and accept it, we cripple our children because of it.

I, on the other hand, failed a lot as a kid. I think it started around 7th Grade but in those days, I was suffering from other life-threatening issues so studies were never mostly on my mind perhaps because of the increased symptoms of hyperactivity and focus loss. I failed perhaps two terms. It was not my fault, I had problems writing answers — I would somehow write really complex answers and instead of the teacher who would compensate would mark it as zero.

I never really mind why my teachers failed me, I never took it as a notice. My calm attitude was something that was a blessing and a curse.

The one who fails is the one who wins at life, always know that.

2. Humiliation

When a student fails, or even fails in the eyes of their parent. The humiliation you get after the result day is perhaps the hardest. You get insulted not in front of your teachers, but when you get home you get some sense knocked into you as well.

Plus the stigma of the 50/100 mentality is a failure. I see someone who got a 50 out of 100 why is there no one celebrating. I have always celebrated even the most mundane of grades that I have got. Because I enjoyed it, I knew my own caliber as a child and I had known the students that had a good memory and were able to write clear cut answers would be able to get good marks.

I had to deal with my symptoms without exercise and without medications or therapy. So Humiliation was much worse at times, during my high school senior year — I believe the principal did say so many brutal things to me, but he stopped as he knew me from the discipline committee when he realized.

At times, humiliation will happen whether it’s on your grades or daddy had a bad day at work and you did something to invoke the anger. Or you made a ruckus at the barber and he came back to humiliate and beat you as well with boots. It can be any of the few.

It’s all right! The one thing constant humiliation builds is the resilience of not giving a shit.

3. Abuse

As I talked about abuse, It can be of any kind — physical or emotional. There are many kinds, I have seen some people even sexually abused by their teachers for grades. That is real. Sometimes your supervisor, Head of the department will be a dick. He will ask you of favors, I knew someone who told me once that he used to fondle her breasts, and would mark her grades just like that.

She even said that he just does that, and gives me a good score. He was perhaps the Head of the Department of an established renowned university. And yes, this can happen as well. I asked her, isn’t she afraid. She said to me, “I don’t care. I get a free score.” One student did try to report that head of the department but got expelled instead. Well, that works, when you have more people doing the dirty work along with you.

A lesson I am sharing never sell yourself for anything. You will lose your dignity and self-respect. Even if you don’t care there will come a time — all that experience will build into a trauma that might break into something much worse.

Coming to my own instances of school life abuse. I believe there was a time in 8th grade, my physics professor used his baseball bat. And hit it at our buttocks for scoring below 75%. In that school, if you score below 75% you are basically considered a failure.

So the humiliation and abuse was something significant as well until there was a law passed, and then they stopped but still, the occasional slaps, were there. I never really received that much, but I received my fair share. I remember a friend who got hit with it, 10 times. He got hit so much, he started to bleed.

Abuse is unnecessary when it comes to learning, when you have to beat it into someone then that means you are the wrong person to do the job, buddy. One thing I have learned in life — people who beat other students, are just as cruel as any abuser or rapist. I have seen the grin on their faces when they hit boys, my friend who was abused physically scored an 86% score because he used that pain to work day and night.

He never really cared even if they hit him and neither did I. It was like a regular exercise for us. None of that mattered in the second half of high school where I think everybody has had a fair share of abuse. It was perhaps an ongoing struggle during those years. But I persisted every day, It was not like they hit us all the time but only in the mornings at 7 for some time until that instructor left the school.

I still respected my teachers, but I don’t respect their choices for the amount of violence they did on us — It was unnecessary.

Hang in there! But when you feel like, you can’t then tell someone otherwise run — its the best option anyone has in times of hardship such as these.

4. Helplessness

There have been a few times, I have felt helpless. I was not always mentally strong-willed. I was a sensitive child. I believe when you’re sensitive you’re bound to feel helpless in a situation.

Whether it’s with failure, that you have to repeat a course again, or the sheer feeling of fear that your parent or guardian might beat the living shit out of you. Or your teachers might hit you if you failed an assignment. I believe its a bit of many things.

Though I never felt helpless when it comes to school work just felt helpless when the stick was in the air, and my buttocks were getting ready to feel the heat. Some forms of abuse over the years has shown me that sometimes, you have to stand your ground. Even if you are helpless muster the strength to stand back up, look the asshole in the eye, and get hit again.

Whether it’s your teacher or the school bully. You can choose to hit them, but it wouldn’t matter if you did because that’s not the right way. It’s not how I was taught; perhaps the problem lies there — I don’t think so. For someone who had ADHD, my life has been hell and heaven. One school period was fun, while the other was just a teacher screaming at my face.

Female teachers tend to hit you on the face while dragging you here and there. You can’t even run away and hide in the school bathrooms. I tried that once. It was a long time ago, perhaps the first time my teacher hit me as a kid when I told the truth about my grandfather who died. She said that I was lying and making things up. She hit me three times when I was in tears, so I ran away crying from the classroom and locked myself up in the school bathroom. This was perhaps when I was 10, good days indeed.

I felt helpless during that situation whatever I said or did — she didn’t believe me. I would cry very easily when I was a kid. The tears just dried up when you grow up. It’s okay to feel helpless now and then. Remember to breathe, and if you can cry — Don’t hold the tears in, let them flow. I can understand it can be hard for someone who can go through feelings of helplessness, but I want you to know that I am here for you. It’s going to be all right.

Persist! Let those tears flow.

5. Depression

The final struggle, as I call it. If you conquer it, there is nothing in life that can beat you. Though If I am honest, during those years — I never let depression get the best of me. I was always aching to live another day, thus depression was the least of my worries.

I didn’t have the luxury to see to my depression and thus it built up — for almost two decades it had been building up, trauma after trauma. Then one day, it reached its final form.

Imagine Goku powering up for Super Saiyan 3, that’s how long it took for my depression to catch me. Well, I have been in the clear and made myself into a stronger person by not paying attention to the effects of depression. A power perhaps I was bestowed upon by ADHD.

ADHD has taught me, to not even care about depression even though now I’m experiencing the full effects. When I am by myself, it does get to me. But then I look back how far I have come, then I smile and keep on focusing on what I am doing i.e. making things better for myself and then for my peers.

Seek depression, when you have the luxury to do it otherwise keep focusing ahead. I have time to focus on the trauma, right now thus I am not one-bit worried because I have the resolve to see it through, and so I persist.

I persevered through all of these struggles, and many more in my life. Many I have conquered and some like the depression I still experience. I experience the headaches as a symptom but I don’t ever let the sadness get the better of me. I want you to know that with time everything becomes clear. If you are struggling right now, doesn’t mean you would be forever. In struggle lies all the lessons of life.

I found satisfaction in life’s struggles even though it might be the end of me. But I am hoping to make it through full swing without a doubt. I am thankful for the time you have spent reading through my struggles. It has perhaps been a struggle for you as well to follow through and relate, but you’re here now at the end. So I want to just congratulate you, that you did it and you can do it as have I.

Thank you so much for reading.

Stay Blessed and Stay Safe!

With Love ❤️

Riku Arikiri

I write about life, and the hope it bears in a poetic context. 💖🕊️

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